Before I study for my Calculus test (that I really need to pass) I'm going to jot some shit down that's been bothering me the past few days.

Life has become this huge fucking hurdle that I can't jump over. I took classes that I should have been able to pass but I kept on slacking off like an idiot. Slacking off as in doing absofuckinglutely nothing productive. I spend hours reading Reddit, technology sites, and cycling through social networking sites even though there's nothing to see. It's obvious that this is a huge problem cause sometimes, there's four fucking facebook tab opens that are all at the home screen. I'm in constant search of doing anything but studying. I'm deliberately failing my Microeconomics class cause I already messed up there but this semester has become one huge wake up call. If I don't wake the fuck up now, I'm going to be downing in my laziness and stupidity for a really long time. After this semester is over, I need to rework myself. I need to get away from everything for a while and relax a bit. I always had this tendency to take hard classes, thinking I could take it but really, I'm finally beginning to understand my limits. College would be so easy if I just studied. I always tell myself this but I never do it. But next semester, I'm going take easier classes and try to pace myself properly. I'm going to actually fucking study. I better. I'm wasting time, and thankfully for now, the government's money but that doesn't make me happy. I need to rework myself completely and work harder. I need to change my stagnant lifestyle and have a stronger mind. Maybe then I'll be able to accomplish something.

When summer comes around, I'll...

Run. Run at least four times a week so I can actually get some exercise. I'd assume if I can run four time a week, it would strengthen my mental resilience to some extent.

Work. Work and make more money. Working at a video store is so chill. I guess I'll go to KBS to get some more money though.

Learn. Learn something new. It's unfortunate that my friends don't have the same interests in me. I really want to learn to program but none of my friends are interested in it at all. Oh well.

Sleep. Sleep earlier because I need to fix my sleeping schedule. Maybe I'll grow. Being a 5'4 male college student is really fucking depressing. 

I guess those are the main things I really need to focus on. 

Despite having a close group of friends, I kind of want to back away from them for a while. In honesty, I'm really not that close with half of them. It's frustrating, and backing away isn't going to help but I guess I need some time to be alone. I'll just hang out with them time to time.

In the end, I need this summer to change me. I need to overcome this hurdle. 

Feels good to write in Xanga again. Feels great. Honestly feel like blazing. But let's not get into that. I'll go study now.

I guess it's time for some monthly ranting/thinking/whatever. There's been a lot of things on my mind and I need to dump it out.

First of all, I guess I've become extremely frustrated with a friend. All he's been doing these past few days is complain. He's a really close friend but I can't really take it. I guess the mixture of listening to his Chinese television in the background, his constant raging, and impatience, I'm getting pretty fucking sick of it. I was trying to help him set up a game so we can play together but all he does is moan and bitch about everything. My bad that I want to try and have some more fun with other games. It gets on my fucking nerves now cause half the time he's yelling. And half the time, I'm hearing this fucking Chinese music. It's harder to just point it out to a friend compared to a girlfriend so I really don't know what I'm going to do with all this. I'll probably just ignore it. 

Money money money. When I turn 18 next month, I'll probably try to apply everywhere so I don't have to worry about being 17. I couldn't get a job because I was too young to handle adult videos at a video store. I guess it's better to just a hire a 26 year old guy who looks more mature and older to deal with the rougher customers. It's understandable. It felt too good to be true but I still thank my brother for trying.

My brother has been really nice but the thing that really frustrates me is that he forces me to do things even though I don't want to do it. Things like going to 7-11 with him, taking pictures of his car, washing a car with him. He pushes it to the point where I either comply or he guilt trips the shit out of me and says something like "some brother you are." Nobody wants to be fucking forced to something unless it's that important. I get really sick of him doing that and he probably knows I'm getting annoyed. 

I keep falling asleep in class. I have no friends in college. Kind of annoyed at that but getting used to it. I need to fix the sleeping though. Teachers give you way too much freedom so it's easy to abuse it.

Immature douchebags. Kayli says they're better than that. I'll take her word but it'll take me time to forget about it all. Sorry, I don't usually like being so "facebook status" emo shit on Xanga.

Photography interests me but... I guess I've had no desire to pick up the camera for a while. I find it so hard to get back into the groove again. Maybe I should try the whole beziner's shot sometime. 

Lastly, I've been thinking about the idea of risk taking. You can either be conservative in your approach towards life or be aggressive. Most of us are passive. But after Steve Jobs' passing, I felt a little more inspired. You always hear about risk taking and how it may give you the chance to go even further than before. Being conservative isn't bad in any sense but  sometimes, you achieve greater things by doing something out of your comfort zone. I've always been wanting to do it for a while but maybe next summer or sophomore summer, I'll try to get a TEFL license and teach abroad. I've been planning it out and I'm hoping after I graduate, I go to either Korea or Japan. I'm thinking Korea for two years first to stay with my Grandma and whatnot. Then, I hope to stay in Japan for a long time. I'm probably going to take Japanese classes next semester to learn even more. I guess I just need to get away from America. At least California. I cannot stand the arid feeling of this place, both literally and mentally. I am not inspired by the landscape or anything here. Rarely does anything catch my eye. Everything here just feels stagnant. Cerritos feels like it's been stuck in time. I just want to experience something more exciting. I guess moving to Korea and Japan is my hope for escaping this. I want to be fascinated and captivated. I want to experience something new. Hopefully, this will work out.

Well, I don't have much more to say. In the end, I'm beginning to feel more and more isolated. I guess it's inescapable. Oh well. 

     I haven't really written in here in a while. I guess there really isn't too much to write about these days. Summer has been fun; just playing a lot on the computer and with friends. Time passes by really fast but I don't mind too much. School is coming up in around twenty or so days but I'm feeling pretty excited. I might do some photography contest for fun and hope that I can win some prizes! Photography in general has been pretty dry but I got to go out a couple of times to take some nice pictures. Anyways, as the title of this post implies, it's about drinking so let's get into that.

     Drinking has been something I looked down on until now. It's really a question of why you're doing it. In a social aspect, I think it's fine as long as you're not out to get drunk. If you have the mentality of "I want to get fucked up", then that's when it crosses the line. It really depends on what kind of drunk you are but losing control of yourself and your mind is never a good thing. Being buzzed is fine since you just feel loosened up and a bit more euphoric. Being buzzed is probably the furthest I will go. Drinking the alcohol itself doesn't taste good but the fun comes in the games and how everyone is just having a good time. I don't think I'm the type of person that will enjoy parties, but I like the idea of kickbacks. Just loosening up, talking, laughing, and having a good time in general with some close friends is a good feeling. 

     My first experience was with my friends and I think it's so important to have people that can keep you in check. Drinking is a mind game and it's really easy to get sucked in. You get used to the taste pretty fast so drinking it doesn't become too much of a problem. When you play games and such, that's when you kind of lose control. Thankfully, it was my first time so I really held myself accountable and drank lots of water. Everyone was really kind about it and didn't pressure me so I knew I was in really good company. Simply said, my first was a good time. I don't have anything against drinking as long as you're not getting drunk. It's purely a social thing for me and I'll keep it at that.

     I guess in the end, I'm one of the worst hypocrites and those reading this and know who I am will be dissapointed, but all I can say is that I understand the point of drinking now. The view I had on it before was purely narrow and thinking that it was selfish. I just thought people wanted to get drunk off their asses. The point of it for me at least is to just loosen up and have a good time with your friends. If you look down on me, I totally understand but I'm not drinking to get drunk. I'll just leave it at that.